Consistency (or the lack, thereof)

If there's anything I can say about myself, in all honesty, is that I lack consistency.

I have a lot of trouble maintaining a consistent flow of energy over my output of certain activities over a long period of time. This has been one of my biggest challenges. To give my latest example, I set out to do a daily blog and I've already missed yesterday's entry - if you'd like, you can consider this post as a post for today and a make up post for yesterday. If not, that's fine, too. I've also come to terms with the fact that I also tend to rely on the energy of others to try to maintain that consistency, and I've gotten too comfortable with that for a long time. That has led me to the state of being that I talked about in my first blog post - that creative slump.

In the process of losing weight about 3+ years ago, I went on a weight loss meal replacement program for over a year, and that was such difficult process for me. I've come to realise that it was difficult to maintain consistency, because I started on it not through my own volition, but of my other (better) half. However, I must admit that when I saw the results after about a year or so on it, it gave me a lot of motivation to continue working on cleaning up my eating habits a lot more and understanding the psychology behind my unhealthy eating habits (which, in itself, is a subject for another day). It was the first time in my entire life I was able to:

1) reach a weight goal of 75-78kg

2) fit in size 34 pants and size 16 shirts

3) see a jaw line (well, somewhat)

4) actually see myself looking good and feel proud of myself

But unfortunately, all of that hard work was slightly thwarted over the course of last year (if not longer), I thought that I was able to maintain a good relationship with food (I did, for a period of time) and keep my weight at a certain level, but I was wrong. I found myself falling back to certain familiar patterns of emotional eating again, putting on about 5kgs last year (I lost close to 20kg over the 2 year period since I started on the program, I won't underplay the fact that I was proud of that). It feels like I'm thrown back on the foot of the mountain, and I need to climb back up again, but I'm feeling defeated and tired.

In the effort to get back on my feet with this, I've challenged myself to start on a simple intermittent fasting program, a 14:8 program. As of writing, I've managed to complete one-week of this challenge but I know that it's just the beginning, because one week won't make too much of a difference. I'm going to work on finishing another week of this program.

NOTE: Me typing this out on my blog is for me to have accountability for myself. It also means you, the reader, indirectly hold me accountable for what I've posted here as well....no pressure (LOL!)

Back to inconsistency...

I have realised that this state of being has pervaded through many facets of my life, and needless to say, it has affected me adversely in so many ways. I'll start something, and not long after that I start to fizzle out; I'll start another thing, and it'll fizzle out not long after that, too. Another point to make is that it is partially because I was also too distracted by other unnecessary activities that I've taken on without realising that they're unnecessary for me right now. That's another thing to work on for me - learning to say NO, and letting go of things that don't serve my best interest right now.

Do I have a solution for it? I don't really know. The only thing I can think of right now is to just start small, work small and not break the chain of it. Being happy with little achievements could be a start, as well, I think. I'm always too focused on big achievements that I forget the little ones matter as well. Having said that, I'm extremely grateful to the few individuals that continually kick my a$$ when I really needed it.

Thanks for dropping by and reading!

Have a good one, and stay safe.

- JC